I’ve had multiple people come up to me recently (both male and female) and ask for advice or help on what to do to get another person’s attention or how to approach someone to let them know one is interested in another. This post will be mostly directed towards women but can be helpful to guys as well. I think there are many things that are very obvious to men but make women think things such as “Why doesn’t he approach me” or “How do I approach him”. Now I will say ahead of time that I cannot speak on behalf of every single woman or man, but I have seen many situations within others and myself that spark questions like this to come up in thought.
The most mainstream thing I hear from women are things such as “I want a guy who has the balls to make a move first”. I’ve even seen books that say things such as “If he’s not coming to you then don’t bother going to him because if he was interested in you he would be there already”. I can easily say with confidence that more than 90% of guys will disagree with this and I’d have to say that I agree with the majority. Its in fact one of the most defying and opposite things I have ever read because just the thought of walking up to a female is terrifying for most men. Now I know many will try to counter this and say “But there’s guys that hit on me every time I go out somewhere.”, and yes this is true but its also the same 5% of guys doing it every single time. Most men are under the impression that they should be a gentleman (which they should) and don’t wanna appear as “That guy” that’s always hitting on everyone that walks into the room.
A guy is NOT going to approach you without incentive.
Now after a little research, I’ve discovered that on average guys will see about 30 women they are attracted to on a DAILY basis. Now what guy is seriously gonna go up and approach every single one of those females and risk being rejected or feeling awkward while trying to strike up a conversation. Out of those 30, a guy is going to go up to the girl that makes it the easiest to approach her. The best example of a way to do this would be going up to a guy and asking him for a small and simple favor. Guys enjoy being helpful, their instincts are to “provide and protect” and by asking for a favor he gets to provide those things. I guarantee that you will get the attention of nearly any guy if you walk up and say the line: “I could use your help with something”. After getting his attention and having him do something small (such as just holding your jacket or drink because your hands are full, or whatever it may be) thank him and follow up with something along the lines of “by the way, hows your evening going?” and BAM, you have a conversation started. The reason this is the easiest approach for any woman because there’s no worry for rejection, its just simply asking of a favor.
This is not about trying to reverse roles, but rather doing what women have always done. Many many years ago, women did this by “Dropping the handkerchief” or by intentionally doing something that will get the guy’s attention and make him start conversation with her. This is exactly the same concept but just adapting it to today’s society. If you want to do something even more basic you can even just say “Wow its busy in here” if your in a crowded area, or mention something on TV at the bar. By doing this you aren’t just saying “Wow its busy in here” what you are actually telling him is that “Hey, its okay for you to talk to me.” thus giving him permission to carry on a conversation.
As I first said, I cannot speak for all men just as no woman can speak for all other women. I’m no relationship expert by far, but with the increasing amount of lack of social communication between genders combined with the advancement of technology rapidly growing I thought this was a relevant topic to inform others about.