Combating Negativity in Relationships

Relationships are wonderful. You get to be with someone you can be yourself around, someone who can bring out the best in you, and someone who brightens your day whenever they’re around right!? Well just as wonderful as it may seem to be in a relationship, it may not be the healthiest choice for everyone. Love IS blinding. It makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do and make exceptions for someone that you otherwise wouldn’t make. It’s manipulative because it attacks the mind directly and once we have fallen, we can get stuck.

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My very first relationship was just a little over 2 years and I was unbelievably happy. At least that’s what I thought… Just like many others out there, I’ve been manipulated and used by this force without realizing it and became stuck in a cycle. I was warned by friends that I wasn’t in a healthy relationship but because I was blinded I ignored their comments and continued on anyways, only to become further disappointed later on when I realized they were right. I ignored them for a full year before I finally gave in and made the decision that I was postponing for so long. After the breakup, I was able to open my eyes and realize what tragedy I was stuck in the entire time and felt stupid for not listening to them sooner. I would almost say I regret it but I don’t. I don’t regret it because I learned. After that experience I learned how evil love can actually be when put under the right circumstances and into the wrong hands. After I left, I instantly felt happier and was able to focus on myself which is what I really needed the entire time.

Now before you jump to assumptions on me, I’m not saying all relationships are this way. This was just my own personal example to share and reference. My goal is to help others avoid the situation I was in and hopefully overcome and see past the false-happiness in many relationships today. Some signs of an unhealthy relationship are the following:

  • Jealousy
  • Arguments
  • Excuses
  • Freedom

Jealousy – Are you jealous? Are they jealous? Jealousy shows insecurity and fearfulness in the relationship. If you are the one feeling jealous ask yourself “Are they giving me a reason to be jealous?” or “Have they done anything to make me believe I can’t trust them?”. If they are the one on the jealous side maybe they are asking themselves these same questions. Take a step back and analyze both you and your partner’s position on the situation. If one or both of you has a jealousy problem you need to bring it up to them for discussion or in someway determine the cause. Jealousy is one of the most common causes for a unhappiness in a relationship and shouldn’t go unattended if you intend on maintaining a healthy relationship.

Arguments – Do you argue a lot? Weekly or even daily? Its true that every relationship will have arguments and there is no getting around that, but if you are arguing every other day then you need to stop and ask yourself why your allowing yourself to go through this. No one is happy in an argument and that tends to be why people begin arguing in the first place. Are you going to bring it up and acknowledge the problem to your partner or continue telling yourself excuses why its okay to be unhappy so often in your relationship?

Excuses – What is your reason for being in the relationship in the first place? Are you and your partner equally as committed to being together? A problem with many unhealthy relationships is that couples will come up with excuses to explain why their partner is sooo good for them and how great of a person they are but in reality they are being used or hurt. If someone sees your relationship as having a negative impact on you or seeing that you could do better for yourself without one then maybe you should try looking at it from their perspective. Are you in the type of relationship you’d wish for your son/daughter to be in? Do you try to cover up signs such as physical or emotional abuse under your own words just to protect your partner? Getting input from other sources outside of the relationship can be one of the most beneficial steps to picking out a bad relationship before its too late but in the end its up to you to make the final decision.

Freedom – Relationship or not, you should always have time to do the things you want to do. If you want to go out with friends or spend time to yourself reading and writing you should be allowed that freedom. If your partner intentionally tries to prevent you from doing what you want to do in order to exchange it for spending time with them they’re being greedy and restricting you from your right to freedom. Your time is yours to use and spending it on something you desire to do every once in awhile is something you have a right to have control over.


Being in an abusive or controlling relationship will impact your day-to-day life. You’ll find yourself being less productive and your goals being harder to achieve. If you feel you need more time to yourself or that your relationship is negatively impacting your mood then maybe it’s time to reconsider who you’re with or to discuss your priorities with them. Happiness is key to a successful relationship and a positive life.

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